
"You may die from laughter. Or dysentery."
A crazy group of pioneers brave the harsh elements and numerous mishaps to travel thousands of miles out west to find a place to call home.
Narrator

Cora / Townswoman

Robert Failure Gladstone / Charlotte / Temperance

Captain Evander Lillianquist / Willy / Flour Man / Jeff

Chesterton / Doctor / Proprietor / Kit Carson

Aveline / Madam Molly

Elijah / William / Thirsty Man
Terrence / Clarence / Fan #2 / The Ringmaster

Hank / The Lion

Percival / Polio Joe / Henry / Billy / Mime
Angus / Julian / Johnny River / Fan #1 / Porch Man / Papa

Strongman

Johnny River Sr.
Sarah Jenkins
Teen Aveline
Young Aveline
Grandma Jenkins
Grandpa Jenkins
Jenkins Boy
Glenn the Ranch Hand
Assassin
Simon Bolivar
Poor Chap Elijah Refused to Carry Across the River
First-born Son