

"Heironymus Merkin, the most talented movie star who ever sang, danced and loved girls, girls, girls."
Heironymus Merkin is an internationally successful singer approaching middle age who retells his life story in a series of production numbers on a seashore in front of his two toddlers and aged mother. Merkin's promiscuous relationships with women are explored, particularly Polyester Poontang and the adolescent Mercy Humppe. Merkin is constantly surrounded by a Satan-like procurer, Goodtime Eddie Filth, and an angelic 'Presence' who interrupts Merkin's biography with cryptic Borscht Belt-level jokes to denote births and deaths in Merkin's life. Newley periodically steps out of character to complain about his 'Merkin' role with an unseen director, two screenwriters, the film's producers and a trio of blasé movie critics who are turned off by the story's eroticism and lack of plot.
Heironymous Merkin

Polyester Poontang

Uncle Limelight

Goodtime Eddie Filth

Fat Writer

The Presence

Mercy Humppe

Thaxted
Thumbelina
Grandma

Skinny Writer
Producer Peter

Producer Ron

Filigree Fondle

Little Assistance

Trampolena Whambang
Salesgirl

Critic Bentley

Critic Bentley

Critic Sharpnose

Red Cardinal
Philip Bluster

Icicle Ike
Automation Bunny
The Mask
Oat-O-Rinos Girl
Car Salesman

Fran
The Prompter (uncredited)
Insurance Agent

Toothpaste Mother
Harriet

Floor Wax Housewife
Liz Harper