Last Foxtrot in Burbank

Cult director Charles Band brings you this "Last Tango in Paris" spoof with editing by acclaimed filmmaker John Carpenter.

The Spotlight

Lizzie Stokes, an obscure and colorless actress, is elevated to stardom through publicity and better coaching from Daniel Hoffman, a theatrical producer. As Olga Rostova, an exotic Russian, she meets Norman Brooke, whose infatuation turns to love. Hoffman suggests that Norman could never care for Lizzie and proves his point. Heartbroken, Lizzie decides to see no more of him. On closing night, when he proposes to her in her dressing room and she refuses, Norman declares he must believe all the lurid details of her past; in desperation, she bares her true identity, only to find it is not her glamorous image but rather her real self that he loves.

By Hook or Crook

Pampered Frederic "Freddy" Pritchard, warned by his father that he must work or be disinherited, learns how to crack safes to help his girlfriend Gloria Nevins, whose villainous uncle holds security for the family jewels, as well as the right to vote on the disposition of the Nevins Motor Works. After Freddy steals the papers with the aid of his valet Smithson, Gloria's uncle locks him in a warehouse to prevent him from attending a crucial stockholders' meeting. Freddy escapes and saves the factory for Mrs. Nevins, who gives him power of proxy. Pritchard, Sr., pleased with his son, consents to Freddy's marriage to Gloria.

The Golden Wall

Heading to America after finding themselves destitute following their father's death, Charles de la Fontaine, the Marquis d'Aubeterre and his sister Helen secures a position in the home of Lathrop, a millionaire thanks to the Countess d'Este. He instantly falls in love with Lathrop's pretty daughter Marian, but she fears he is a fortune hunter and becomes engaged to the wealthy Rudolph Miller. Charles tells her he would only marry her when the two are equally wealthy. Charles then secretly backs Marian's brother Frank in a successful financial venture, making both rich. Discovering Rudolph is unfaithful and with the "golden wall" of wealth that had separated them now obliterated, Marian and Charles wed.

The Probation Wife

A 1919 film directed by Sidney Franklin.

The Country Girl

Sisters Phyllis and Alithea are kept in the countryside until they reach the age of eighteen when their guardian, the Squire, takes them to London. Planning to marry them off to rich older men for mercenary reason he is thwarted when the girls both fall in love with more suitable men. When the Squire works to split the couples, the girls resort to subterfuge to gain their happiness.

A Freight Car Honeymoon

When telegraph operator Dan Boynton is dismissed shortly after his marriage, he and his new bride Alice decide they will take their honeymoon at the road's expense, and in one of its own cars. The train crew, learning of romance, decide to wink at the violation of rules. Dan contrives to make the situation permanent sending a message purportedly from the general manager, ordering the station agent to hold the car on the siding until further orders. When his former boss Bushkirk discovers the situation the couple’s "nerve" makes a great hit with him and he appoints Dan Boynton his chief assistant.

Sink or Swim

A silent comedy Sink or Swim edited from the 1917 film The Yankee Way (1917)

The Transformation: A Sandwich of Nightmares

Batman Fights Dracula

Doctor Zorba and his followers plan to bring Dracula back to life using electronic means, using blood from victims. Batman saves Marita Banzon and defeats Dracula's creators.

The Lost Bridegroom

Suffering from aphasia after being conked on the head, a man is coerced into robbing his fiancée's home.

Three Black Eyes

Four wealthy young men, Larry Van Cortlandt, Castleton, "Fatty" Harriman and Payne, become intoxicated in a cabaret where munitions maker Stanhope Shelton is giving a party for his daughter Natalie. Larry is attracted to Natalie, but he is ejected with his friends before he can secure an introduction. Plainclothes detective Hogan vows to capture Larry, who seeks asylum on his yacht with his friends. After the crew quits, Larry and his friends handle the boat. The next morning Castleton and Payne place a "for hire" sign on the boat and the Sheltons engage it. Larry teaches Natalie to steer and runs into several boats in the process. Four people in the Shelton party turn out to be burglars and rob the other guests. Meanwhile two other crooks rob the Shelton mansion. Larry manages to capture all the crooks at the Shelton home, and he wins over both Natalie and her father.

Figures Don't Lie

Figures Don't Lie is a showcase for the physical charms of lovely Esther Ralston, who in one scene proves the accuracy of the title by donning a fetching one-piece bathing suit. The main story concerns wise-guy insurance salesman Richard Arlen, who through a combination of hard work and sheer gall lands a job as sales manager. But he can't land heroine Ralston, who has remained cool to his charms ever since he tried to make a play for her on the street. A lost film.

Made in Heaven

William Lowry rescues Claudia Royce from a burning building, and upon hearing that her parents are trying to force her to accept millionaire Leland, whom she does not love, he proposes a marriage of convenience to himself. She accepts, and Bill arranges a fake ceremony; but when she falls in love with Davidge, Bill refuses her a "divorce." Later, Bill gets rich in the manufacture of a patented fireman's pole, and when he buys a house for Claudia she realizes her love for him and they are legally married.

Three Green Eyes

Lucille Vale is in love with struggling architect Paul Arden, but her mother believes that Allen Granat is a more suitable match. Lucille's mother prevails, and Lucille leaves Paul a note in their secret hiding place saying that she is going to marry Allen. Paul is injured when thrown from a horse and does not receive the note. He is nursed back to health in the home of entomologist Thomas Wiggan, whose son Johnnie is in love with Marion Vale, Lucille's younger sister. Two years later, Lucille and Allen return to the estate, very much in love, and engage Paul's services. The note is found, still waiting in the secret hiding place. After many complications, and with the help of her friend Suzanne Russell, Lucille recovers the possibly incriminating note.

Dangerous Business

Clarence Brooks is a shy, timid man working for Mr. Flavell. He is love with Flavell's daughter, Nancy. Nancy is shallow and fickle, always chasing after other, less-upstanding men. Clarence enlists when World War I erupts. While Clarence is off defending his country, Nancy's mother arranges for her daughter to marry the wealthy Mr. Braille. When Braille is drafted, Nancy's mother starts arranging a rush wedding, against Nancy's wishes. Nancy claims that she and Clarence are already secretly married. When the war is over and Clarence returns home, he refuses to be a part of her charade. When Clarence declines the offer to marry Nancy for real, she must mature to win his affections back. A lost film.

The Pretenders

Upon striking oil on his farm, Silas T. Pettingill (Charles Eldridge) moves to Park Avenue at the behest of his social-climbing wife Maria (Kate Blancke) and daughter Helen (Emmy Wehlen). But like Jiggs in the comic strip, Pettingill never loses his common touch, and one evening he goes out on a toot with his new chauffeur Hubert Stanwood (Paul Gordon).

Secrets of a Beauty Parlor

Short comedy

According to Hoyle

"'Boxcar' Simmons, a tramp, represents himself as a mining millionaire in a small town. The population accepts him at his own valuation, and two of the town's 'slickers' make desperate efforts to 'take him for his roll.' One of their schemes is to sell him a worthless ranch, but he turns the tables on them by making them believe that the ranch is a veritable bed of silver ore, and then, after they buy it, he presents the major part of the proceeds to the girl who owns the place and with whom he had fallen in love." (Moving Picture World, 24 Jun 1922, p. 736.)

Keep Moving

Musty gets a job in a grocery store. Through a series of very bad encounters with various customers it becomes clear he is ill-suited to the job and ultimately he goes his own way.